btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
