Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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