Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
