i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
