He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
