he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize