the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
