Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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