I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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