I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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