fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
