Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
