You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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