It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
