Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
