But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
