Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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