You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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