break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
