Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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