So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
