I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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