do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
