The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
