i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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