in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
