guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
