Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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