my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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