saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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