remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
