God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize