Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
