Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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