And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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