burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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