Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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