Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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