He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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