i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
