I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
