So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize