walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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