it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
