My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
