I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize