new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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