Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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