Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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