i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
