i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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