were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
