I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
