i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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