dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize