college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
