It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
