Pants 0. Shit 1.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
