You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
