her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
