Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
