Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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