Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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