I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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