the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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