I could make wine with my vomit
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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