I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
