Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
