i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
