Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
