ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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