The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
