Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize