He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
