mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
