So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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