When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
