Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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