She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize