I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
