just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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