He is like the real live version of the state fair..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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