Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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