do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
