Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
